Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Counselor Roswell’
Does Love Last?
Working as a national and local marriage counselor in Roswell, I get a lot of clients who ask this very question:
“Can we save our love? Does love last?”
The first thing we do before going any further is to seek to understand what they believe love is. Let’s make sure both parties are using the same deck of cards.
In Greek culture, love was defined into four categories or types, Eros, Phileo, Agape and Storge. The most common love portrayed in culture and media is Eros love. That is the ‘romantic love.’ It’s that love that feels like butterflies in your stomach when you see your “crush” walk into a room. It’s the love that can cause us to do strange or foolish things.
Eros Love ?
At first in dating, most love is Eros. It’s the sensual based neurological feelings in the brain. The technical name for this stage is limerance. Limerence is the natural, involuntary part of being in love with another person; many call it the honeymoon phase. This hormonal time has been studied and researched to last 6-24 months maximum.
After this what are you left with?
If you only think love is a feeling what happens when it’s dried up? Sadly this is how affairs begin. They don’t know about the next phase.
Agape Love !
The next stage of the love cycle, which we call ‘Agape love.’ when loyalty and admiration needs to be shared. Agape love is different because it’s unconditional and transcends all barriers.
“The essence of Agape love is goodwill, benevolence, and willful delight in the object of love.”
Do you admire your partner? Do you show them gratitude?
Awareness that love has moved into a second stage is eye opening for many couples; honestly, it’s not at all like what we see in the movies.
Cultivating these new attitudes will help your marriage last.
Try saying, “I am grateful that you did ______ this week”.
“You look _______ today”. It’s little gifts you are depositing into their love ATM.
Sadly, many people don’t go this route. Instead, they allow themselves to be controlled by their emotions. John Gottman, a nationally recognized clinical researcher of the attributes of love, finds ‘contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling,’ otherwise known as the ‘four horsemen of love’s apocalypse’ can set in at this time. He calls these attitudes the death toll of love.
What can you do today, to cultivate an atmosphere of Agape love with your spouse?
It’s a daily decision, and if you ask me, 100% worth it.
Marriage Resources from Steven Brand
If you have been married for very long, chances are you have faced a marital crisis of some sort. Sometimes they are big events, sometimes silent misunderstandings or missed expectations. Even if you have not experienced crisis, you probably still see opportunities for improvement. A good marriage is a process that takes work and dedication. Here are some resources I have gathered for married couples – I think you will find them useful, no matter where your marriage stands today!
- Smart Marriages – This website maintains that healthy and lasting marriages take skill, they are not something that happens by accident. You can explore this website for tips about improving your marriage. If you are considering a divorce – you will want to check out this website first!
- The Gottman Institute – If you are interested in a scientific perspective of marriage – this website offers seminars, CDs and other resources. The methods are based on research of thousands of couples. In addition to basic marriage tips, the website also offers some iPhone apps that you can use to interact with your spouse.
- TwoofUS.org – The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center offers great relationship education resources for couples, including articles, videos and quizzes that will help you make good choices that will lead to a healthy marriage.
- My Wedding Wisdom Videos – These are short videos that include quick, easy to swallow marriage advice from me! I filmed these as part of a local wedding show, but I think you will find them helpful to your own life.
If your marriage is past the point of small snippets of advice and you feel you need an intervention to make it work, please do not hesitate to contact me, Steven Brand, at 770-641-8726. I offer an intensive three day, 20-hour intervention to save, restore and refresh marital trust.
Steve Brand: Psychotherapist, The Wilderness Coach and Executive Success Coach
We all have times in our lives when we struggled to get out of a “rut”, when we need some help getting traction and achieving positive momentum. For this reason, Steve Brand decided to study social work at Boston University and start a career as a psychotherapist, Wilderness Coach and Executive Coach. He enjoys helping people grow stronger through whatever struggles they might be facing and does this by building a relationship that helps to speed the healing, growing and coaching process to get you to a new, more dynamic equilibrium.
Steve has over 30 years in leading, mentoring, counseling and coaching. He opened his private psychotherapist office, Great Therapy, in Roswell, GA in 1999. He uses a blend of both cognitive and behavioral therapies and uses the fundamental premise of “the truth will set you free.” When you visit Steve’s office, you are promised emphatic listening and the goal of working towards being your personal best. As a psychotherapist, Steve specializes in relationship issues, depression and marital therapy. Here is one of Steve’s most popular videos and a great example about the kind of therapist he is. It is a video about dealing with in-laws in a marriage (are we surprised this is one of his most popular videos?):
We mentioned above that Steve is also The Wilderness Coach and you are probably asking yourself, “what exactly is that?” Let’s go back to the beginning: when Steve was young, he always enjoyed and was impassioned by being outdoors. As life took over, his time in the wilderness of the mountains dwindled. Later in life, he moved to Atlanta, and was inspired to get back outdoors from a colleague and rediscovered his love of the wilderness. Not more than a year later, Steve began his private practice and decided to dedicate four days to his clients there and use his Fridays to go to the mountains. After realizing how rejuvenated and energized he felt after these escapes to the wilderness, the idea of Life Strategy Expeditions was born. He began to take other men on these trips to show them the rejuvenating power the outdoors could have and soon branded himself “The Wilderness Coach” and these expeditions began to have live-changing impact. Steve now leads regular expeditions throughout the world where he provides a unique combination of outdoor adventure and success coaching through a personal retreat known as a Life Strategy Expedition. To learn more about these amazing expeditions, see his website at http://www.thewildernesscoach.com/index.php
Steve is based in Roswell, GA and wants to help you “Invest in yourself, your marriage and your family.” To schedule an appointment to meet with or to talk about a Life Strategy Expedition, call him at (770) 641-8726.
Steven Brand, LCSW, MSWMPH
12 Norcross St #215
Roswell, GA 30075