Divorce is a tough end to a marriage. It closes one life chapter with a lot of pain. Yet, for parents, the story doesn’t really end. It simply changes. Now, there is a new task: co-parenting. The job is to raise children together, even though the parents are no longer together as a couple. This can feel impossible. The old feelings, the hurt, the anger, all of it makes working together hard. Seeking divorced couples counseling often feels like the last option. Still, it is often the first step to peace for the children.
As a psychotherapist who has helped people for over four decades, Steven D. Brand has seen the damage that high-conflict co-parenting causes. He has also seen the great power of adults choosing a better way. Choosing counseling is choosing peace for the family. It is a gift of stability for the kids.
Table of Contents
Moving Past the Marital Breakup
Why the Past Haunts the Present
The hurt from the marriage does not just disappear. It stays. It clouds how one sees a former spouse. Every interaction may feel like a fight about the past. Arguments about the kids become arguments about old hurts. Those feelings are real. They are valid. But they cannot run the show anymore.
Parents need a safe place to put those feelings aside. Counseling offers this neutral ground. It is a space where the therapist only cares about the role as co-parents. The therapist is not there to figure out who was right or wrong in the marriage. The sole focus is on the future and the children’s needs. This process creates a shift from being “spouses” to being “business partners.” The business is raising the kids well.
Creating Clear, Strong Boundaries
Blurry lines cause great stress. Should parents talk about money or only the school schedule? Should parents attend school events together? Who drops off the kids? All of these small points can spark a huge conflict. Counseling helps parents draw clear, clean boundaries.
A boundary is not about being cold. It is about being safe and predictable. Rules for communication are set. Maybe all talk must happen through email. Perhaps texts should only cover urgent health issues. The therapist helps create a co-parenting contract. A written plan removes guesswork. It sets the rules so both parents can relax a little. Clear rules make it easier to act like partners, not enemies.
Focusing on the Children’s View
Seeing Life Through Their Eyes
Kids love both their parents. They do not want to choose sides. When parents fight, children feel caught in the middle. They may think the divorce is their fault. They worry that if one parent can leave, the other parent might leave too. Children are very loyal.
Counseling brings the focus back to them. The therapist helps parents see how their actions affect their kids. They help parents stop talking badly about the other parent. Even a sigh or an eye-roll hurts a child. They absorb all the tension. The goal is to lower that tension so the kids feel safe in both homes. A stable child is a child who thrives.
The Gift of Two Happy Homes
A child does not need one perfect home. They need two good homes where they feel loved. The key is making each home a place of rest, not worry. Co-parenting counseling helps parents respect the other household.
Parents learn to trust the other parent’s style. It may be different from their own, and that is okay. They stop asking the children a lot of questions about the other home. This takes the pressure off them. They feel free to love and enjoy time with both of their parents. When parents act like adults, children can just be kids.
Learning to Talk, Not Fight
The way parents talk to their co-parent matters a lot. It sets the tone for everything. Yelling, insulting, or being very sarcastic does not work. It just makes everyone angry. A new way to speak with each other is needed.
A therapist teaches communication skills. This means using “I” statements, like “I feel worried when…” instead of “You always…” It means listening to hear, not just listening to reply. Parents learn to stay calm when the other person is upset. They learn to pause before reacting. These tools turn conflict into simple problem-solving. They make co-parenting much easier.
Sometimes Steven D. Brand advises people to take a short time apart from the normal routine. A small couples retreat marriage counseling session or program can focus just on the communication issues. It does not mean getting back together. It just means learning to work better together.
Separating One’s Feelings from the Other’s Actions
One of the hardest parts of co-parenting is not letting old hurts get triggered. The former spouse might say or do something that makes one furious. It can feel like one is back in the old fight. This is where personal growth is key.
Steven D. Brand helps clients to work on their own emotional wounds. This is often done in individual sessions. Parents learn to choose their response, rather than just reacting. They learn to manage the anger and sadness that the divorce left them with. This means less drama for the co-parenting relationship. When one feels calmer, the other’s actions have less power over them.
Finding Peace for Oneself
Co-parenting counseling is a great tool for the children. But it is also a great tool for the parents themselves. They get to stop fighting. They get to feel less stress every time they have to interact. This emotional freedom is a priceless result of this work.
When parents are no longer at war, they have more energy for their own life. They can focus on their job, their friends, and their hobbies. They are setting a strong, healthy example for their children. The children watch how they move on. They learn from their parents how to handle tough times with grace. This is the true definition of thriving after divorce. It is about a new and better normal. Parents and their children deserve that peace.
Four Decades of Dedication: Steven D. Brand
Steven D. Brand is an expert who brings four decades of experience to his work with families. His time as a psychotherapist, campus minister, and professional coach (he’s also known as The Wilderness Coach) has refined Steve’s listening skills and leadership style to meet unique individual needs. Drawing on this background, he guides, advises and directs clients on their psychological, experiential, emotional, intellectual or spiritual journeys.
He earned Dual Master’s Degrees at Boston University. With 40+ years of experience in helping people (over 30 years in psychotherapy and over 15 years as The Wilderness Coach and an Executive Success Coach), his knowledge base is vast. Steve opened his psychotherapy practice in Cambridge, MA, in 1996 and in Roswell, GA in 1999. He has logged over 35,000 clinical hours of psychotherapy. He is also a public speaker and workshop presenter locally, nationally and internationally. Steven D. Brand can help your family find a healthy path forward.